WAITING

How many of these entries have I titled "waiting"?  I remember this feeling . . . I had it the day we waited to find out if Tom would get transferred to UAB the first time (after being turned down at Vanderbilt and Memphis).  Then, again, when we waited to find out if Tom would be eligible for the transplant evaluation at UAB - I cried when we got that good news (and throughout the evaluation:  test after test after test).  We waited again to find out if they would place Tom on the transplant list.  You think I would be used to it by now but my stomach is still turning and I feel like I need to be doing something, yet totally helpless.

Tom was so happy to see Dennis last night, he cried.  He asks everyone to help him get out of "this room".  Dennis stayed as long as he could and then came back this morning (which is why I haven't been to the hospital yet).  Tom and I spent most of the night with an open phone line to each other.  He just kept repeating his plan to get out of the room today, get in the wheel chair, then in the truck and to the house.  The four of us (including the puppies) would wait at the house until a bed is available at UAB and the ambulance will come and pick him up.  He said that over and over and over again.  I kept telling him to rest his voice.  We did get some sleep though.  I think the nurse hung up the phone about 2:30 am when they went in to change his dressings.

This morning his nurse said he is doing well.  Dennis helped him eat some fruit for breakfast.  I guess they decided against IV nutrition and are giving him shakes instead.  He told me last night they were not very good but he was drinking them anyway - my hero!  They are planning to give him more blood and albumin today - that will help because I'm not sure how I'm going to tell him he can't leave "this room" if a UAB bed is not available.  It takes a while to get the blood so that will hold him there.  I'm trying to play along with his plan but I'm afraid it will break him if he can't leave today.

The ICU beds have a "chair" setting so I asked the nurse last night if we could use that setting to help Tom feel like he was sitting in a chair.  His back is really hurting him.  He did pretty well in the chair position for about 25 minutes.  I think he figures if he can get in a wheelchair, he can escape.  I'd like to at least get him to sit on the side of the bed - I'll see what Dr. Rosen thinks about that.  A couple of the stitches have already ripped out so I don't think a lot of moving around is a good idea.  Tom doesn't seem to get that.  There is a lot of fluid draining from the tear so in some ways that is good - except that they keep giving him more to keep him from being dehydrated, very little of anything seems to be staying in his veins.

I faxed more blood tests to UAB this morning.  They are gradually getting better. He was still a 27 with what I sent yesterday so that's good.  Regardless, they have to submit something on the 31st because that's when the existing MELD expires.  I'm trying not to think about the fact that they may not consider him strong enough for surgery and deactivate him - I kinda don't think they would do that, I think they would go ahead and submit the blood tests and then make a decision once a liver was available - at least he would be at UAB.  I know he will get there eventually - he has to. 

It seems every devotion is about suffering and waiting and patience.  Tom is in God's Hands, I trust Jesus - He hasn't failed me!